Crunchy Bottoms

Striking the caloric balance. Barely.

Tag Archives: satire

Ciabatta!

 

Ciabatta

 

During Chinese New Year, I fed my cousin a couple of slices of toasted home-made bread with smoked ham, gouda cheese and a squirt of honey mustard. He complained that it was too holey and light – hardly filling at all. It was good, he said, but the lobangs were too big. And that’s all the feedback I got, not that I expected or wanted any.

You would probably infer then, that I don’t take feedback well.

If anything, I would seem to do the exact opposite with unrestrained vigor, refusing to consider kind advice, or perhaps intentionally mocking constructive criticism.

I see you frowning in confusion. Let’s clear up some things shall we?

1. I respond well to feedback.

2. While I absolutely adore feedback, I don’t care what you say, and I sure won’t give a flying rat’s ass if you tell me you don’t like your bread to resemble the remnants of a thoroughly pilfered, eroded excavation site.

You want holes the size of single-celled organisms? Grab the loaf of Gardenia from the supermarket next time.

Anyone who eats my bread will observe, with deep reverence, the First Commandment of Christine’s Home-made Bread:

Honour the lobangs of thy holey bread, for it is them which contain heavenly reservoirs of salted butter, melted cheese, golden olive oil and smoky ham, and you will receive the gift of gastronomic paradise.

End satire.

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You have no idea how thrilled I was when I sliced the loaves open. *Squeeee!!* Read more of this post

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